


It's Ok

by ohsnapitsmama



Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: Anal Sex, Based on a RP, Emotional, First Time, Fluff, Laurent is sex repulsed, M/M, Modern AU, Personally cathartic, Please read the pre-chapter notes, Self-Indulgent, Technically hurt/comfort I guess?, The boys are painfully in love, We out here healthily coping with our past traumas through soft loving fic sex, Wings, Wings AU, chitons are sexy, i love a good excuse to use quotes from the books, i never know how to tag these, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:47:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22409674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohsnapitsmama/pseuds/ohsnapitsmama
Summary: “Tell me that was ok,” he said, almost desperately. “Tell me it was ok for me to enjoy that, it’s ok for me to want it.”Damen’s mind was still draped in a heavy haze as he shifted when Laurent did, blinking at him while he processed what was happening.“It’s ok for you to enjoy that,” he murmured, holding Laurent’s gaze steadily. “It’s ok, Laurent.”Laurent nodded, burying his face in Damen’s neck again to hide the tears that pricked at his eyes.“Thank you.”
Relationships: Damen/Laurent (Captive Prince)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 82





	It's Ok

**Author's Note:**

> Like my recent Augandros fic, this is based off an RP with my boyfriend! This is from a completely different capri rp than the Augandros fic, and the scene means a lot to me personally so I'd been wanting to make it into a fic for a while. 
> 
> Context: They have wings. Damen is demon who hates pants and only wears chitons if he can get away with it. 
> 
> Laurent is a very personal character for me that helps me cope with my own traumas that are similar to his canon ones. He is sex repulsed and struggling with that throughout the entirety of this fic. Sex repulsion is experienced differently by different people, and I know that both in this fic and in canon the way Laurent experiences and copes/comes to terms with it isn't how everyone else does. I do, though, so if you have any snarky comments about unrealistic portrayal of sex repulsion please refrain. I don't care and I don't have the energy to deal with it. 
> 
> Let me know what you think, and I hope you enjoy!

Laurent had been thinking about having sex with Damen for a while. At least, a while for him. It wasn’t the kind of thing he would normally consider – in the very few, very bad relationships he’d had in the past, Laurent had never actively wanted to sleep with them. He knew why, his traumas were the culprit behind a lot of things he’d just accepted and grown accustomed to in his life, but they never cared.

Damen did care, though. He cared, a lot, and he made Laurent feel so comfortable and safe. Damen never asked Laurent for more than he could give. He never asked for anything more than what Laurent had already offered, never pushed or pulled him, never made him feel bad for how he was or the things he couldn’t do. And Laurent loved him for it. Laurent loved him for being careful with him but not treating him like he would break, for always making sure Laurent was ok before casually touching him, for a dozen different little things that made Laurent feel safe and warm and loved. That was the only reason he’d been thinking about sleeping with Damen at all; Damen gave him a completely safe environment to explore something Laurent had spent his whole life hating himself for liking, something that in the past struck him with fear so potent he couldn’t move. As long as Damen was with him, it’d be alright. Damen wouldn’t hurt him, not like that. Not like Laurent had been hurt before.

The two of them stood in front of the lake house sink, quietly washing dishes after they’d had a pleasant dinner on the patio, and Laurent had completely zoned out and gotten lost in thought. He’d washed the same bowl at least three times already, and Damen noticed when he rewashed the bowl for a fourth time. Damen gently bumped Laurent with his arm.

“Feeling alright?”, he asked, smiling down at him.

“Hm? Oh.” Laurent blinked down at the bowl for a minute. “Yes. I’m just thinking.”

Humming softly, he tilted his head at Laurent and said, “Thinking?”

“Yes.”

“What about?”

“Sex.” He said it very bluntly and without looking at Damen, worried that he’d lose his nerve if he did.

“Oh.” Damen blinked, a bit owlishly, and Laurent worried he’d done something wrong.

“Is it surprising? I said I had been considering it before.”, Laurent said.

“No, it isn’t.”

They were quiet for a moment as Laurent gathered his thoughts, and his courage.

“I think I…. would like to. Have sex.”, he said, his fingers twisting the sponge he’d been using. “With you”, he added, quickly, as if it needed to be clarified.

“I wasn’t worried about with who.” Damen looked at Laurent with a fond twinkle in his eyes and nodded, moving to finish putting dishes away. “Alright.”

“Alright?” Setting the bowl aside, Laurent finally looked at Damen. It was impossible to tell what he was thinking.

Damen looked right back, then, all his attention on the blonde. And when he couldn’t figure out the look on Laurent’s face, he said, “What are you thinking?”

“I… Don’t know.”

“Take your time”, Damen told him, softly.

“I didn’t think this far ahead.”

Damen merely watched his face, carefully setting down the bowl he’d been holding.

“What are… you thinking?”, Laurent asked.

“I’m thinking you’re thinking too much.”

Laurent tossed the sponge back into the sink and dried his hands. “You’re probably right.”, he said. “It’s difficult not to, there’s a significant amount of… baggage associated with this.”

“I understand.” Damen spoke softly, gently, patiently. Laurent loved him for it.

“Damen, I trust you.”, Laurent said, slowly reaching out to grab Damen’s hands. “I don’t know if I can articulate specifics about what I want in that regard because I don’t… know. But I trust you to help me find out.”

A soft, adoring smile spread across Damen’s face and he gently squeezed Laurent’s hands.

“I never… You make me feel so safe. Sometimes I don’t know how to process how wonderful you are.”

Damen was softly rubbing his thumbs over Laurent’s knuckles, and after a moment he gently lifted one of Laurent’s hands to his mouth to kiss it, and murmured, “It is only how you deserve to be treated.”

Laurent smiled at Damen, reaching over to turn the faucet off before pulling Damen towards the kitchen door. He never said a word, but he felt perhaps he didn’t need to. Quietly, he led Damen to the bedroom, and sat them both down on the bed. Laurent had seemed very sure of himself until that moment, faced with the reality of actually doing the things he’d been talking about.

His face was slightly red as he said, “I don’t know… where to start? That makes me sound so juvenile.”

“I understand”, Damen said softly, watching Laurent with a fond expression. “I’d like to kiss you.”

“Yes.” He said it almost too quickly. Swallowing thickly and nodding, he said, “Ok.”

Damen smiled, then, and softly cupped Laurent’s chin as he leaned in to give him a slow kiss. Laurent sighed, content, and eagerly returned it. He was exceedingly happy, as he usually was when Damen held or kissed him, and any worries he had about what they were doing seemed miles away. They would return, but right now with Damen kissing him and holding him so close and his own fingers slipping into Damen’s hair, it didn’t matter.  
Sighing into the kiss, Damen tightened his arm around Laurent a bit and had to refrain from letting his hands wander the way they so badly wanted to. Instead, he dropped his hand away from Laurent’s chin and rested it gently on his hip.  
Feeling Damen’s hesitance, Laurent pulled away slightly and caught his eye.

“You-… Touch me?”, he said. “I want you to.”

There was a rush of heat in Damen’s chest and head as Laurent said that. He nodded, and his hold on Laurent shifted so he was cradling his back as the hand on his hip slipped its fingers under his shirt to explore his skin. Laurent gasped quietly.  
Doubt started to creep in at the edges of Laurent’s mind, clawing at this perfect moment in an attempt to tarnish it. Fear and uncertainty coiled in his stomach, and Laurent struggled to fight everything off. He tried not to let it show, hoped Damen wouldn’t see. If he did, he’d stop, and Laurent wasn’t ready for him to stop yet. They hadn’t even started. Sighing again, he pulled Damen back into a needy kiss, desperately putting his focus on how electrified his skin felt everywhere Damen touched him.

Damen kissed back, deeper than before. He could feel Laurent struggling, but as long as he wanted him to continue, Damen would. His hands roamed across Laurent’s body and he tugged at Laurent’s shirt, a question in the movement.  
Laurent paused briefly at that, taking a few steady breaths before pulling his shirt off carefully and tossing it aside. It was ok. He wanted this. He kept telling himself that over and over, that it was ok to want it. Despite his best efforts, it became more obvious how much he was struggling with himself. Damen had a knack for clouding Laurent’s mind, though, and he carefully dipped his head to trail kisses across Laurent’s jaw. He took his time, savoring the feeling of Laurent in his arms as he moved to kiss down his neck. His hands, having stilled on his back, resumed their slow exploration of Laurent’s body. One of his hands met Laurent’s feathers and stroked softly across them.

Laurent gasped sharply, squirming at the sensation. Damen had touched his wings before, and it always felt nice, but this was completely different, and he almost didn’t know how to process it. His reaction brought Damen from half-hard to full, his own wings ruffling behind him. But impatient as he was, he waited a few moments to try that move again to avoid overloading Laurent. He stroked over Laurent’s skin and kissed his shoulder before lighting tracing his fingers in Laurent’s feathers again after a pause.

Laurent said Damen’s name, voice barely above a whisper, and a shiver ran down his spine. Pressing his forehead to Damen’s shoulder, he bit back a quiet moan and squirmed again. He’d been worried. He was worried – wasn’t he? Worried about what? He couldn’t remember anything beyond vague feelings struggling to be heard in the back of his mind, feelings that tugged at the edges of his now fuzzy consciousness with little urgency. This was good. Damen was good. The way Damen was making him feel was good. In a brief, hazy moment, he put his hands on Damen’s shoulders and pushed him back slightly. There were words he wanted to say, but they wouldn’t come when he tried to speak. His face was red, burning furiously across his cheeks and nose, and when he met Damen’s gaze there was a surety buried there that Laurent had lacked at the start. It was shaky and malformed, the kind of surety that could be destroyed with enough clarity, but it was there. With little warning, he stood up to pull off his pants and kick them into a corner. He stood there, face burning, eyes bright and exhilarated, and chest heaving just slightly with his short, shallow breathing, and he just stared at Damen for a moment. When he moved again, there was no hesitation. His fingers threaded through Damen’s hair and Laurent kissed him deeply as he moved to straddle Damen’s legs.

Damen eagerly received Laurent, his arms immediately winding tightly around him and a pleased groan rumbling from him as he passionately returned the kiss. Oh, that sound was wonderful. Laurent made a mental note to get that sound out of Damen again. He rolled his hips experimentally and moaned, breaking the kiss briefly to breathe easier. With much more confidence than he’d had at the beginning of all this, he said, “Touch me.”  
It was so easy for Damen to get lost in Laurent, his breaths coming shallower and shallower the longer they went on, and he looked at Laurent with dazed, adoring eyes when he pulled away. And when Laurent commanded him to touch, he gladly moved his hand from Laurent’s back to trail down first to his hip and then lightly, experimentally brush over his cock.

Laurent gasped, his eyes widening slightly, and his sharp breath led to a low moan that made Damen weak. He rocked his hips into Damen’s hand as if silently, impatiently saying ‘More’, and Damen wrapped his hand around Laurent’s cock, setting a slow and rhythmic pace. At first, he looked down, admiring him, but soon he lifted his head to watch Laurent’s face.  
Laurent had been looking down, too, his mouth slightly agape as he breathed heavily. There were things he wanted to say, words for how he felt and what he wanted, but his brain was too foggy, too clouded to form words in any coherent way. His hair fell into his face, golden strands slightly obscuring his vision, and his wings trembled.

“Fuck”, Damen said, words tinged heavily with an otherworldly accent. “I love you. I’ve never met anyone as incredible as you.”

Laurent couldn’t help the breathy laugh that tumbled out of him as he looked up to meet Damen’s eyes.

“I love you, too,” After a brief moment, he added, “If you’re holding back, you don’t have to.”

Damen leaned down to kiss Laurent’s jaw again, then, and after a moment ran his thumb over the head of his cock.

“I want you more than I have wanted anyone before,” Damen murmured. One of his hands found his own belt and after fumbling with the buckle a bit he tugged it off. “I’m not holding back. I’m enjoying the moment with you.”

“Is that so?”, Laurent asked, struggling to get the words out as he moaned, hands sliding from Damen’s hair to rest on his shoulders.

Instead of answering verbally, Damen left a soft mark on Laurent’s shoulder where he knew no one else would ever catch a glimpse under his usual sweaters and collared shirts. his hand on Laurent’s cock slowed further, as if to draw it out as long as possible, and his other hand moved from Laurent’s hip to more daringly squeeze his ass. Laurent’s back arched and his wings stretched out behind him as his fingers dug into Damen’s shoulder.  


“Damen-!”

Damen’s grip on Laurent tightened, his hips involuntarily jerking under him at that, and he gave a shuddering breath and said, “I want to be inside you.”

Laurent gasped and nodded almost before Damen had even finished speaking. “Yes”, he said breathlessly.

For a moment Damen buried his face in Laurent’s neck, breathing in his scent, and then he shifted again to free up one of his hands and yank his chiton off to toss it aside.

“Wait.”

Chest heaving, Laurent pushed himself up and away from Damen’s lap and walked towards where his suitcase sat.

“I came prepared.”, he said, rifling through one of the pockets until he found what he was looking for. Turning back to face Damen, he held up a nondescript bottle of lube. His breath kind of caught in his chest as he actually looked at Damen and the feathers on his wings puffed out slightly. The chitons Damen wore didn’t exactly leave a lot to the imagination, but there was a huge difference between that and this; Damen had leaned back on his hands and watched Laurent. His cock stood at attention, his hair and feathers mussed, and dark eyes glazed with lust, and as he watched Laurent he silently took in every detail about him that he could – he was a sight to see and Damen couldn’t get enough of him. Laurent walked back towards the bed and handed the bottled to Damen, who straightened up a bit and hummed as he turned it over in his hand.

“You were really thinking about this.”, he said with a good-natured laugh. Noticing how Laurent’s feathers had puffed up, he added, “Hm? Something wrong?”

“You’re very… Attractive”, Laurent said, dragging his eyes over Damen’s body. “And everywhere in proportion.”

“Oh.” Damen’s surprise bloomed into satisfaction. “I see. Were you just going to look, or…?”

Laurent tapped his chin and pretended to think for a moment.

“I suppose I had something in mind,” he said, moving to straddle Damen again. “Though I could just look at you for ages if I wanted to.”

“I don’t think I could sit still that long,” Damen rumbled, wrapping an arm around Laurent’s waist and shifting to better allow him into his lap. “Looking isn’t enough right now.”

That seemed to make Laurent pause briefly, and Damen tilted his head quizzically.

“You’re right. It’s not enough.”

Laurent moved back slightly and slid a hand down between them to lightly touch Damen’s cock. He hesitated, staring down at his hand, before carefully wrapping his hand around it. Damen let out a soft, shuddering groan and his feathers all stood up for a moment. Laurent let go of a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding and slowly started moving his hand. Damen tilted his head back, basking in the sensations coursing through him, and then moved to touch Laurent again at the same time. Static made its way through Laurent’s body, setting every nerve ending on fire in the best possible way. But it wasn’t enough.

“I…” He stopped himself, hesitating before finishing his sentence. Doubt singed the edges of the ecstatic feelings rushing through him, but he shoved it away and said, “I want you.”  
I

t was hard for Damen to keep patient like this—he wanted to drag it out, he wanted all of Laurent now, he wanted to savor him, he wanted to already be taking him. His hands shook against Laurent’s skin, and when the blonde spoke, he gave another rumbling groan from deep in his chest and kissed him once again.

“Then you will have me,” he murmured against Laurent’s lips, lifting the bottle of lube and opening it.

Laurent’s breath hitched again, and he returned the kiss hungrily, clinging to Damen like his life depended on it. Everything seemed to simultaneously move too fast and not fast enough, and it made Laurent’s head spin. Damen’s hands were hot against his skin, burning paths across his body and making him tremble.  
Damen nipped softly at Laurent’s lip, at the same time trailing his over Laurent’s body to experimentally circle a finger around his nipple while he wetted his other hand with the lube he’d been given. He reached behind Laurent and, with a soft word of warning, nudged a finger inside. Laurent tensed, but it only lasted a few seconds. Exhaling sharply, he bit back another moan and cursed in Damen’s ear. Damen gave Laurent time to adjust, his own head swimming at the hint of what it would be like to finally be inside him, and he gently moved for a bit before daring to use another finger.

“Damen!” Laurent half whispered it and pressed his face into Damen’s neck as Damen kissed his shoulder. Damen stilled again, letting Laurent adjust once more, and trailed a hand down to stroke Laurent’s cock again.

It felt like he was unraveling. Everything Damen did to him had Laurent twisting and coming apart at the seams, and he didn’t know if he’d ever be able to put himself back together. He didn’t know if he wanted to. With a shuddering moan, he bit Damen’s shoulder and rocked his hips against Damen’s hands.

Damen groaned at Laurent’s teeth on his neck, rutting against him in response, and moved his fingers inside Laurent until he felt relaxed enough to dare use his cock instead – and when he was satisfied, after what felt like an eternity of anticipation and Laurent melting in his arms, he grabbed the bottle of lube again and with shaking hands spread some over himself. Laurent’s head spun, his brain trying to process and parse through all the emotions and sensations ripping through him at light speed. Damen’s head pressed to his entrance and Laurent dug his fingernails into Damen’s arms, holding his breath and relaxing as best he could.

Holding Laurent, Damen gave him time before slowly pushing into him. His breath yanked out of him at the feeling, and he wrapped his arms around Laurent and kissed across his shoulder. Eyes widening, Laurent cried out and bit Damen’s shoulder again, he gasped shakily, and his wings stretched out behind him. Every inch of his body had already felt like it was on fire, but now he was burning from the inside out. Damen waited then, as much as possible in his impatient and lightheaded state, and groaned again at being bitten. There would surely be marks left behind from Laurent’s teeth and thought they wouldn’t last long, he would wear them with pride until they faded. Murmuring against Laurent’s skin in that hissing, otherworldly language in between kisses, he rolled his hips up against him once.

Laurent tossed his head back and a strangled cry tore through him. Panting heavily, he put his hands on Damen’s chest and shakily said, “Wai-wait..” Damen immediately did as he was told, looking at him with clouded eyes.

Chest heaving, Laurent looked at Damen and continued. “I wan-want to-“

He couldn’t get the words out and huffed, pushing his hips down to communicate what he wanted. It was more wonderful than he anticipated to be even somewhat at Damen’s mercy, but even through the haze in his head Laurent knew he needed to take control. At least for a little while. Damen moaned softly and nodded, shifting to better allow Laurent to ride him.

Laurent was shaking. Pinpointing why he was shaking proved difficult, and part of him sat there yelling at him for doing this. This in general or this specific moment where he took control? He didn’t know. It was impossible to know. He took a few steady breaths before moving again, trying to swallow the sounds that bubbled up in his chest but unable to hide them at all. Damen groaned and nipped at Laurent’s shoulder, his hands moving to rest softly on his hips, though he did nothing to direct or move Laurent. It was up to him until he said otherwise, and something about that made Damen’s head swim.

His brain finally shut up. It seemed miraculous almost, every voice clawing at the edges of his mind, everything sowing doubt within him all simultaneously stopped making noise. The only thing left in Laurent’s head was this moment, was the way Damen felt against him, was how he felt. This was what he needed to do all along; if he can control it, there ate no unseen variables. If he can control it, he doesn’t have to be afraid.

Laurent’s movements were slow, like he was getting a sense for how things fit together and what felt better, and he kept glancing at Damen’s face to see his reactions. Damen leaned back on one hand, the other resting on Laurent’s hip, and he didn’t move, breathlessly watching Laurent with heavy lidded eyes. He was responsive, giving soft sighs and groans at each of Laurent’s tentative movements even as he held steady. Occasionally his fingers would tighten on Laurent’s him and as he met his gaze, all his emotions were clear on his face. It all spurred Laurent on and he moved a bit faster, desperately wanting this to never end. But of course, it had to. He grabbed Damen’s face in his hands and kissed him deeply, and he moved more erratically than he had been. How long would he be able to keep it up? Not much longer. He gasped and moaned into the kiss and his hands sank into Damen’s hair again.

Kissing back with every bit of emotion he was given, Damen shifted his hand from its position on Laurent’s hip to instead cradle his back. It was hard to keep still like this, difficult to keep from bucking against Laurent, but that was mainly because he was completely lost in what the blonde was doing and how it felt to be so close to him. He was vaguely aware of his own voice occasionally murmuring things unfiltered in the tongue of the underworld between kisses, and his hold on Laurent tightened further still.

Laurent always considered it cliché and hyperbolic when writers would say their characters were ‘seeing stars’ when they orgasmed. He’d had them before, and aside from messy and gross, there’d been nothing special about them. He hated how so many people would perpetuate this unrealistic depiction of what it was like. But oh, how he’d been wrong. Laurent had never been so blissfully happy to be wrong. Tossing his head back, his whole body seized up and he felt like he was moving in slow motion. His mouth opened, but no sound came out, and his vision briefly blurred and dimmed as if a soft vignette were quickly closing in around him. And there they were, the cliché and hyperbolic stars he was so sure didn’t exist. He finally remembered how to breathe and nearly collapsed against Damen, gasping heavily has he tried to recover from how light-headed the whole thing made him.

Damen had already been close, breaths heavy against Laurent’s skin, and when Laurent came—ohhh, just the realization that Laurent had in fact come with Damen inside of him send Damen into oblivion, his wings curling around them as he spilled. His arms cradled Laurent through it and Damen held him tightly against himself. Laurent panted heavily against as he struggled to catch his breath. He basked in the afterglow as long as his brain would let him before the doubt and self-hatred threatened to overtake him again. Still panting, he put his hands on Damen’s shoulders and leaned back far enough to look him in the eye.

“Tell me that was ok,” he said, almost desperately. “Tell me it was ok for me to enjoy that, it’s ok for me to want it.”

Damen’s mind was still draped in a heavy haze as he shifted when Laurent did, blinking at him while he processed what was happening.

“It’s ok for you to enjoy that,” he murmured, holding Laurent’s gaze steadily. “It’s ok, Laurent.”

Laurent nodded, burying his face in Damen’s neck again to hide the tears that pricked at his eyes.

“Thank you.”

Damen didn’t speak, only lowered his head to press gentle kisses to Laurent’s hair, his wings drawing closer around them both. It took Laurent a while to catch his bearings and try to internalize what Damen said, but eventually he cleared his throat and said, “Perhaps we should shower.”, though he made no move to do so.

Tilting his head gently to look down fondly at Laurent, Damen brushed a strand of Laurent’s away from his eyes and agreed. “Perhaps we should.”

“…I’m very tired though.”

“Understandable. Then there are two options: I can carry you, or we wait until the morning.”

Laurent made a noise of detest. “I will absolutely despise myself if I wait that long to clean up. Carry me?”

Damen pressed a soft, sweetly amused kiss to Laurent’s head, and then with a soft word of warning he bundled his lover up in his arms and carried him to the shower.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow so the formatting of this got absolutely fucking obliterated I think. Sorry about that! Next time, I'll write directly in the site instead of copy/pasting :(


End file.
